I’m Going to Shout….

This poem was written by Tracey Holliday and she has given me permission to post it on this website. She has a way with words and her poem has struck a chord in many of us who suffer. Thank you Tracey.

I’m Going to Shout & Scream, Until We Are Heard!

I want to shout out & scream.

I want everyone not only to hear but also to listen & understand.

I am sick of living in this shameful way,

And seeing so many others suffer the same.

But as much as I want to cry out & shout,

To let the injustice be heard,

There are still times when I hide & curl into my deep ball of shame.

I so want to be free of my slavery chains of pain,

Not to have to lie when someone asks how I’m feeling?

So often I just smile & say fine,

Putting on the mask,

Hiding in the lies,

Trying to convince myself & all that surround,

That all is well,

That I am fine.

Why? I hear you ask,

Because I want to be part of everyone’s life,

To take part in world around me,

The pain free world around me.

I fear that if all I tell is the truth

That friends will no longer want to know me,

Family will say she is never well, it must be in her head!

I mean I get so often told of those worse off,

And hey after all, I’m not dying!

There are those close to me though,

Who hear it in my voice or see it in my eyes,

They see through the lies,

Past the masks & still they are here,

Listening to my cries.

For them I am thankful,

For them I bless God,

They help me to carry on,

And seem to never tire.

Then there is my beloved,

The one who won my heart,

We stood there & said our vows,

In sickness & in health,

Both without knowledge of what were to come.

Within months of that day this nightmare took hold,

And slowly through the years ripped out parts from our hearts.

He still loves me & will always be there

But around with my pain I carry his despair.

I see it in his eyes

He is frightened to touch,

Frightened to hurt,

Afraid of rejection,

It’s not just killing me

But him as well

I just don’t always have the strength

To bear all this pain,

I want more for him,

I want better for us,

This wound goes so deeply

That I just can’t discuss.

I have to have hope,

Keep on with this world,

To reach out to sufferers,

To get us all heard!

It’s not in our heads,

We don’t make it up,

We live with much more

Than we ever will share.

Each carry our secrets,

Live with our lies,

You’ll just have to forgive us,

You’d not cope with our real cries.

All that I ask

Is that you’d just take a step back,

Not pre-judge

And to cut us some slack.

We all want to live,

Have fun in this world,

So give us a smile

And a comforting word.

Each one of us is special,

Have our own special gift,

Encourage us to share

And we will learn how to live.

We will grow in our confidence,

Break through some of our pain

And start to realize that we can live again.

We need to be hopeful,

To search for a cure

But each day keep living,

Feeling safe & secure.

With each rose come many thorns,

Try not to be frightened of mine.

Copyright 2001. Tracey Holliday

All rights reserved.